Making the most of marriage preparation

Offering marriage preparation to engaged couples is a great way to connect with couples both in the church and from the community, giving them the best start to their married lives together.

Katharine Hill provides some tips on offering marriage preparation.

1. First step – go on a marriage course yourselves.
2. Investigate what resources are available and then choose a course that will best meet the needs of engaged couples in your community. Visit the Prepare for Marriage website for details of courses running in your area.
3. Build a team – involve at least one other couple in running the course. Use people’s different gifts – in our team we have one couple who love doing all the practical arrangements and food; another couple handle the booking fees.
4. If you decide to use an online questionnaire such as FOCCUS or Prepare as part of your course, recruit and train some support couples to work with you. Being a support couple is so rewarding and an investment in your own marriage.
5. Advertise widely. Consider making it part of the ‘deal’ that couples marrying in the church attend a marriage preparation course. Some churches include the cost of the course in the fee. Consider advertising through wedding fairs. Approach your local registrar through the National Couple Support Network. Personal recommendations matter! Many couples will be encouraged to come by their newly-married friends who have enjoyed or benefited from marriage preparation.
6. It feels like a valuable investment if you charge up front for the course, to cover the cost. The cost will undoubtedly be a very small amount compared to the cost of the wedding. (We never want the cost to be a barrier, so if couples can’t afford to pay, they just chip in what they can afford.)
7. Atmosphere is important. Use low lighting to replace any strip lights. Tablecloths, tea light lanterns and flowers give the room a bistro feel. Play music as people arrive and during the meal (if served), and during the exercises so they can’t be overheard. Taking care with the evening conveys to couples that we value them and their marriage
8. If you don’t have someone who likes public speaking, use a course with a DVD. Even if you aren’t giving the talks, be vulnerable. Include stories of when you got it wrong. Vulnerability is very powerful.
9. Link with other churches in the area, so you can work together in running and promoting a course. If one church is running one in the autumn another could run one in the spring
10. Pray (and keep on praying) for every aspect of the course – before, during and after.
11. Remember each couple’s first anniversary, and after about two years, invite them on a marriage course.
12. Protect your own marriage – invest in your own marriage and find someone to pray specifically for you.

You may find Katharine and Richard Hill's book, Rules of Engagement, a helpful resource for making the most of marriage preparation.

Last Updated 06 December 2010