Starting a ministry for single parents

In society there is still a stigma attached to the words ‘single parent’. But despite media reports, people rarely choose to become single parents. It is usually something that has happened to them, most often through separation, divorce or bereavement.

Before starting a ministry for single parents it’s vital to understand the situation:

• Be aware that the parents may be dealing with emotional issues such as rejection, anger, bitterness and loss of hope.
• Be aware that many will have been hurt in the past, by churches that have condemned and judged them.
• Be aware that the children, who may be covering up or trying to deal with their pain, could be confused, aggressive, clingy, withdrawn or highly extrovert.
• Remember that widowhood brings honour but divorce brings shame; try not to treat them differently.
• Have some understanding of the situation, read ‘All Alone: Help and Hope for Single Parents’ by Jill Worth and Christine Tufnell, and ‘Missing being Mrs’ by Jennifer Croly (both available from Care for the Family).
• Remember that few would have chosen this journey; accept the parent as a person not a statistic.
• Be prepared for the long haul – this is not a ‘quick fix’ situation. Some people may need support for years.

Consider some of the pressures and issues they face such as:

• Housing: they may have had to move out of the family home
• Benefits: are they aware of how to claim council tax reduction, income support, tax credits.
• Maintenance around the home: they may not have the skills to replace tap washers, fuses etc.
• Finances: money may be tight, and they may not have the skills to budget.
• Childcare – can they afford it?
• Sole responsibility for the children and 24-hour parenting
• Contact issues with the other parent.
• They may be unable to get to church or meetings – no babysitter or transport.
• They may not be able to afford children’s clubs or church events.
• Children may be sometimes with them and sometimes missing due to visiting the other parent.
• Loneliness: no-one to talk to or share the load; particularly difficult at Christmas, birthdays and holidays.
• Low self-esteem or feelings of failure may be a big issue.

How to go about it

Ask the single parents in your congregation, and survey the local community, to discover potentially how many there are and what sort of support they would like.

Believe the best about these families

Consider running a Single Parent Fair. (Click for further information, and read a story of how a Single Parent Fair has been used to great effect). This will draw people from the local area to the church for this event. A ‘how to’ paper is available from Care for the Family. Or think about running courses such as budgeting, basic cookery, computer skills - all these depending on the space and personnel available.

Draw on current resources – your venue, and the people and gifts available within the congregation. Do encourage others to join you in this ministry.

Empower the single parents - please don’t ‘do it’ for them.

Find ways to encourage and nurture these families, funding the ministry in such a way that they don’t have to come ‘begging’ for more financial support.

Go for it – and know that you will make a difference to many lives!

Have fun. These are great families who need some laughter in their lives.

Last Updated 13 December 2010