Making the most of Rites of Passage part 1: Births

There still seems to be a desire in our communities to mark the important moments in their lives, such as births, marriages and deaths. Many churches are discovering that these family occasions act as an opportunity for relationship and engagement.

Birth - a reason for celebration

Services of Baptism and Dedication are still popular with many families in our communities, regardless of whether they go to church or not. In 2006, the Church of England performed 135,000 services of Baptism and Thanksgiving for children under the age of 12.

Sadly it’s possible to bar the door to many who would begin a relationship with the church with this as its starting point. Why, because we have tended to see baptism or dedication as a step that they should only be taken when the family have already become part of the church.

Whilst the theological underpinning for this position is understandable to us on the inside, it makes no sense to those who aren’t. For them this is a first approach, whatever the motivation – whether its pressure from the family, or some sort of echo from the past, or a vague feeling that this is what you are ‘supposed’ to do. When they are declined they tend to think ill of the church.

On the other hand, if they are welcomed there is an opportunity to lead them to a greater understanding. Relationships are built and they can be encouraged to consider the spiritual meaning of the vows and promises they make on behalf of their child. This can be the first step on a long journey to faith (and church attendance!). At the very least they leave thinking well of the church that welcomed them.

Fruitful first steps

Church leaders from many church streams are discovering that the celebration of a birth, for example, can be a fruitful first step into greater relationship. Particularly when the officiating church leader or someone else from the church hand picked for the role seeks to get to know the family; seeks to introduce them to other families in a similar position within the congregation; and gives them a taster of what church attendance could be like for them and their family.

Many have discovered that by following up on the service with visits, cards at anniversaries and in other little ways, relationships form that makes them warm towards church and come to regard the church leader as their family vicar and the church as ‘their’ church.

Offering to meet people where they are

One church decided to offer to take its dedication service (it was Baptist) out to the people. When a parent and toddler parent asked if their child could be ‘done’, the church leaders suggested that the service be held in the context of the toddler group. After all, that was the family’s expression of church and where their friends naturally gathered. The response was one of surprise, “Can you do that!”

The parent decided to think about it and ask their spouse. When they returned they said that although it was a nice idea, from their perspective Sunday morning would be better. They then asked if that was alright. Whilst this request was partly due to convenience for gathering the family together, it was also because they felt it wouldn’t have felt ‘proper’ if not done in ‘church’ at a ‘church time’.

Just by being open, further opportunities were created. For some this would seem like a risk, and the truth is - it was. If you make offers like this you have to think through the implications in your context and be willing to make good your offer. But making the offer gently surprised the family into thinking a bit differently – and more positively – about church. For them, a church that was willing to do things to make life easier for them at one certain point, was seen as more welcoming and accommodating.

It may also be worth adding that this can be a spring board into courses that prepare for baptism; christening or dedication and form there equip the parents in their role.

Click here to read part 2: 'Marriage'

Last Updated 07 May 2010