The weak qualify

Have you ever questioned your own qualifications for engaging?

At the Engage event in Belfast Rob Parsons read from 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 and reminded the delegates that God chooses to use those who are weak and know they are.

Rob told two stories of people who had approached him in seminars.

The first concerned a lady who was involved in the youth work of her church. She said the kids in her youth group were great but there was one who was driving her crazy. He was out of control. Whatever he was asked to do, he did the opposite. The only problem was… he was her son. She asked if she should stop leading the group. After all what credibility did she have if she couldn’t even control her own son?

The second was about a man who wanted to start a marriage course, but had been divorced. He asked if that disqualified him from doing so.

On both occasions Rob told them that they shouldn’t give up. Firstly, we are all weak and have made mistakes. Secondly, because it is our experiences of failure and of hardship that makes us perfectly placed to understand the pressures and problems of others. Often we are softened by our experiences.

Perfect kids and perfect parents

Rob often tells parents that if your child was born almost perfect, buys devotional guides with their pocket money; volunteers to tidy their room and do the washing up, then you should recognise that you just got lucky and never have another child. He then pleads with parents not to think their child’s wonderful behaviour is entirely to do with their exceptional parenting skills, and also to refrain from offering advice to other parents.

After all, offering advice as an ‘expert’ may come back to bite you if you do have another child, and that child has other ideas about what they want to do instead of what you tell them to do!

But the reverse is true. The parents who often have the most insight and more helpful things to say are often the parents who have survived life with a challenging child.  They will have something to say, but more importantly, they are also in a place to sympathise.

Care for the Family has learned over the years that a powerful phrase where family life is concerned are the words – “Me too!”

Churches that want to engage with their community on family issues also discover the power of saying ‘Me, too’. Sadly, many people have the perception that approaching the church will bring judgement and condemnation. After all, the people who go to church have everything in their life sorted out, right?

Identifying with others… or judging them

When we’re willing to identify with the difficulties of others and are willing to say ‘Me too!’ we often find we’re more likely get a hearing and be taken seriously.

Does this happen in church? Or do we judge people and find them wanting because their lives and not neat and orderly?

Rob tells another story of a young man who, after years of being away from church, was invited to hear Rob speak by his parents. He came to the service and afterwards thanked Rob for the message he had brought that morning.

Later, as Rob was leaving, he bumped into the young man again. He was having a quiet smoke outside the entrance to the church and when he saw Rob he stubbed the fag out and apologised profusely for his filthy habit. That moved Rob to think something along the lines of  ‘What have we done to create such a reaction? What kind of image does this person have of church?’

Missing the point

Recently I met a youth pastor who tried to befriend the homeless man who sat every Sunday on the steps of the church. He noticed the man peeling cigarette butts off the pavement, to salvage the little bits of tobacco left in them. When he had enough he would roll his own cigarettes.

The health risks in doing that go above and beyond the normal risks associated with smoking. The youth pastor was horrified. He said “Don’t do that, let me buy you a fresh packet.” Later he said to me, “I know that smoking is bad for you but this has to be worse. I just wanted to do what I could to show this man the love of God and preserve his life a little longer.”

But when the youth pastor went into church and told the story – to highlight the need and desperation of someone who was on the steps of the church, he was criticised for encouraging the man to smoke. He wanted to know why the good folk in his church couldn’t see what he was trying to do.  

Barring the way

If these stories reflect a fraction of the way churches have treated those who are outside the church – people they say they want to reach – how often have churches similarly barred the way to those who want to serve.

Maybe it is time that we as church leaders challenge such behaviour and say that where service and engagement are concerned the weak qualify.

Now I realise that this will mean that things get messy and you will be open to misunderstanding by the uptight amongst us. I also realise that some “weaknesses” will bar the way to some avenues of service. But in the majority of situations, this shouldn’t be an issue. After all who better to start a ministry for married couples than a divorcee who knows the pain and devastation caused by divorce first hand? Or who better to run a parenting course than the parent who loves their child but doesn’t find it easy to be a parent sometimes?

Is that the response people often receive in church? Or are they disqualified on the grounds that their life is not perfect? It’s a challenge to us as we seek to engage, but it’s also a wonderful affirmation of that wonderful truth – that through our weaknesses, God’s strength is shown.

Last Updated 30 November 2010