Supporting bereaved families
Although it, hopefully, doesn't happen that often, it's important for toddler group leaders to know how to respond if one of the families they are in contact with suffers a bereavement.
The death of a Mum, Dad, child or sibling inevitably affects the lives of both the surviving children and parents deeply. On top of the feelings of heartache and loss there are also all the practical issues that result from having to rebuild a family without the presence of a loved one. Coping with grief and finding a new 'normal' after a close bereavement is not something that happens quickly - the journey can be long and painful and it's important that support is available in the long term and not just immediately after the death.
It's true that you will not be able to fully enter into their grief - but there is much you can do to support them as they travel their journey.
How your group can help
If you and your group want to help bereaved families here are a few tips:
- Acknowledge what has happened. Many people avoid talking to the bereaved because they don’t know what to say. There’s sometimes no need for words – an “I’m so sorry” and a big hug can speak volumes about how much you care.
- Encourage other families to understand what has happened and talk as well.
- Recognise that the whole family will be on a roller-coaster ride of emotional and practical effects that will last for a long time. Resolve to ‘be there’ for as long as it takes.
- Don’t be surprised by anything bereaved children do or say. They can jump in and out of grief, sometimes crying a lot and then the next minute joining happily in all the games. They can also be remarkably frank and matter of fact about the death.
- Allow the children to talk about what has happened but don’t be surprised if other children don’t seem to take much notice – they haven’t developed their compassionate responses yet.
- Keep talking to Mum or Dad about how their children are doing. Although they are grieving themselves they are often more concerned about their children.
- Very young children don’t have the verbal skills to express their emotions, so tend to act or sometimes draw them out. There may be more tantrums, tears or moments of withdrawal – if so, give them lots of hugs & tlc.
Resources you may find useful
For you:
- For further information on how you can support bereaved families read the Care for the Family Support Net article ‘Understanding Bereavement’.
If a child has died:
- Refer the parents to Care for the Family’s ‘Bereaved Parents’ Network’ (BPN) where they will be able to receive support.
- Take some time to look at the BPN webpages yourself to learn more about helping bereaved parents. In particular look at the ‘how you can help’ tips.
If a Mum or Dad has died:
- Refer the surviving partner to Care for the Family’s support for the young widowed where they will be able to receive support.
- Take some time to look at these webpages yourself to learn more about helping the young widowed. In particular look at the ‘how other people can help’ tips.
Last Updated 06 December 2010
This information is supplied in good faith, but Care for the Family cannot accept responsibility for any advice or recommendations made by other organisations or resources.
Engage is a Care for the Family initiative - a Christian response to a world of need.
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