Supporting single parent families

The parents and carers you meet in your groups each week are likely to be a mixed bunch. There will be two-parent families, those who are parenting in stepfamilies and perhaps bereaved families where a child has died. Some may be parenting alone and so Liz Gardner, who was a single parent for 22 years, has put together a few thoughts for you to consider if you have lone parents in your group.

‘Although a small minority of people decide to become a parent without having a partner, it’s rare for someone to ‘choose’ to become a single parent. Usually what happens is the result of separation, divorce or the death of a partner. They are therefore very aware of the many losses in their own and their children’s lives. Such as, the loss of:

• Companionship and shared decision making – being alone and having to make all the decisions is exhausting.
• Human love (including sexual love) – everyone needs to be loved and if a parent has been rejected there is usually no other adult around to give that love. Not feeling valued and loved can lead to weariness and depression.
• Hope and trust - how can hope be renewed when trust has been shattered?
• Friends and in-laws - often people don’t want to ‘take sides’ and so drop the lone parent as a friend. In-laws will generally take sides with their offspring and the other parent may feel shunned.
• Status - being neither married nor single, lone parents find it hard to know where they fit in. Having been part of a couple it’s difficult to go solo again.
• Income - usually greatly reduced and possibly reliant on benefits. Alternatively, the choice to work may mean a loss of parenting time.
• The family home - when the relationship ends or a partner dies, the family home may have to be sold.
• Control – many lone parents feel trapped in a situation they didn’t choose and can’t change.

At times like this, a supportive network of family, friends and even you, as a toddler group leader, can make such a difference in helping them cope with the trials of family life.

Resources you may find useful

For you:

• For further information on how you can support lone parent families read the Care for the Family Support Net article ‘Supporting single parents’.
• If you would like to start a support group for lone parents then download the ‘Start-up guide’.

For your lone parents:

• Give them a copy of ‘Top tips for single parents’.
• Put them in touch with Care for the family’s ‘Single parent family initiative’ where they will be able to read helpful articles, sign up for a newsletter and find details of relevant events including Take a Break holidays for lone parents and their children aged 5-16 years. Holidays for families with younger children are run by Capernwray Hall near Lancaster, Lancashire, Lee Abbey in Lynton, North Devon and Letton Hall in Thetford, Norfolk.

Last Updated 06 December 2010