Making your toddler group father-friendly

More and more men are caring for small children during the daytime. Whether these are shift-working dads or retired granddads it’s important that we encourage and welcome them all into our toddler groups and support them in their role as carers.

Here are six things to consider:

1. What’s in a name? Few groups now call themselves ‘mother and toddler’, but did you know that the term ‘parent and toddler’ has also been found to be discouraging to men who immediately associate it with mums? Using the term ‘toddler group’ and choosing a name like ‘Tots and Toys’ may help men not to think of groups in this way.
2. How do you advertise? Do the pictures on your posters and flyers show an exclusively female group? Are the colours and style very feminine? Could you do some advertising in places where men gather? Web-based advertising generally works better for men.
3. Are your mums confident that if they encourage other carers, including men, to bring their children along, the newcomers will receive the same warm welcome? Is this policy stated in your welcome pack and newsletters?
4. How do you welcome men? It can be much more difficult for women to start up a conversation with a male newcomer than with a woman. In particular, they may feel their actions will be misconstrued, either by the man or by the rest of the group. It’s important, therefore, that the group leaders take an active role in welcoming and chatting to any men who come along. Are all your leaders aware of this issue?
5. Are you sensitive to men in the activities that you run? Men are generally more task-focussed and will often appreciate activities that they can engage in with their children such as building elaborate train sets or mammoth Duplo structures. More men may come along if your toddler group is billed as an activity session - try ‘a messy morning’, a ‘glitter and glue session’ or a ‘toddler music time’. Conversely, be aware that some activities may make them feel uncomfortable. You might want to adapt these (tapping a drum in song time, for instance, may appeal more to some men than singing!), make them optional, or even cut them out altogether if dads attend on a regular basis.
6. Can you get them involved? Many men will respond positively to a plea for assistance, particularly if the request is personal (Could you?) and specific (help put away the toys?). The benefit of this is twofold. They will feel needed and you will have less to do.

Some resources are available on-line to help early years settings examine their father-friendliness. You can download the Pre-School Learning Alliance booklet called ‘Fathers Matter’ to help you think through some of the issues you may face when you try to involve men. The government’s ‘Think Fathers’ campaign has a Dad test which provides key questions on six areas of commitment to father inclusive practice and a downloadable self-assessment form for you to record your evaluations and action plans. A quicker and simpler version is the Dad test taster from Children North East’s Fathers Plus which has 14 questions with which to rate your group’s father-friendliness.

Whatever you do, however, remember that it will always take a special sort of man to want to ‘hang-out’ in a room full of women and small children. The government recognised this in its 2007 report ‘Every Parent Matters’ which states that:

‘Fathers generally appreciate some services which are designed specifically for men. These are often services for fathers with their children, but may also include services where they can meet other dads, engage in activities together, and talk about their lives as fathers. Many fathers do not feel they are expert parents and an all-male environment can enable them to feel more confident about interacting with their child and seeking advice.’

In some places ‘stay-at-home’ dads have their own groups, such as ‘Dads and Littl’uns’ in Wimbledon, Dulwich and Exeter. And many churches are running groups for fathers on Saturdays. Read our article about Dads’ toddler groups to find out more about these.

Last Updated 06 December 2010