I was a [male] toddler group leader

Richard Hardy reveals his best and worst moments as a toddler group leader – and shares some valuable lessons about engagement.

As pastor of a local Baptist church, I was glad that we had a pretty successful parent & toddler group with 60 or so participants. I was also glad that I never had to visit it! From my perspective at that time, it contained what for me, as a male minister, was a lethal cocktail: all those small children and women!

Then quite out of the blue, I found myself having to take a lead in the group if I didn’t want it to close. So for 18 months I became the parent & toddler group leader.

In the early days, I don’t know who was more out of their depth or frightened – me or the group! Many of the mums thought that I had taken over to ‘zap’ them with religion. When they realised that was not my intention, they warmed up and I began to chill out. I suddenly realised what an asset the group was.

But the worst moment was the first time I had to lead the singing at the end of each session. I felt like a right Charlie dancing around holding hands with these women I barely knew, singing “the wheels on the bus…”

One of the best moments was when one of the over threes came up to me and said, “Richard, what do you want to be when you grow up?” At that point, I knew I’d made it!

Once I got to know them, they began to teach me so much about engaging with the community. In fact, some of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt have come out of that group.

Lessons like:

• If you want to make real connections, talk about what interests them.
• Accept people on their terms.
• Let them set the pace in conversation.
• Never feel shy about pitching in and getting to know the people in the group.
• Invest financially in the group as a church; you won’t regret it.
• If you can, make membership free.

I remember on one occasion asking the toddler group if they would give me a show of hands if they attended church. I knew that about 80% didn’t attend on a Sunday.

When they all put their hands up, it threw me. In the shock of the moment, I asked “Which one?”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then they said, “Well, this one, of course.”

It really hit me then - church isn’t restricted to the nice crowd that fill the pews on Sundays. ‘Belonging’ starts right there in the toddler group…

I now tell other churches: “Encourage and support your toddler group leaders – they are very precious, and the work they do is one of the best ways your church can engage with your community.”

Find out more about how your church can make the most of the opportunities that your Parent and Toddler group provides.

Last Updated 13 December 2010